Allison and Me
Posted on Jun 7th, 2010 by Kathleen (Family & Friends, Reminiscing)

I took a trip down memory lane recently.  I’m committed to doing this frequently in the future (before my memory complete fails me!) .  I was on this lane with Allison.

I met Allison when she was barely eighteen and I was, well, a bit older than that!  I liked her from the get go.  Apart from being a stunning redhead, with a figure to match, she had a great sense of humor and was smart!  We really hit it off.

She had just gotten engaged to Mark and was planning her wedding.  My kids fell in love with her too, and she asked Amy and Annie to be her flower girls, needless to say they were thrilled at the prospect.  John was asked to help carry the wedding gifts so he felt involved and happy.

Over the years, my friendship with Allison deepened. She was with me through the good times, the bad times and all those in between.

When she and Mark divorced, Allison and I remained the closest of friends, and she often quipped that she got Mark’s Aunt in the divorce settlement.

Out of all of the memories I have of Allison, I’d like to share some that are near and dear to me.

When my late husband became ill and had to have have kidney treatments every other day, I would come home from work, hurry and feed my kids, then drive from West Valley across town and leave Tim for three hours, (there was no room for me to stay and keep him company) I usually just wandered around Cottonwood Mall until it was time to pick up Tim and make the return trip.

Apart from Allison, there were only two occasions when anyone offered to help me out.  But, true to form, Allison took the helping out to a whole new level.  She sometimes joined me at the mall and one day, while chatting and window shopping, I saw a beautiful picture.

The scene was almost identical to that of the River Wear ( near my home in England) with old English homes flanking the banks, swans gliding, gracefully and serenely on the water.

I was reminded of the many times I had rowed a boat on that river, whilst marveling at the majesty of Durham Castle and the Cathedral visible from many vantage points along the river.

Under protests from me, but with great gratitude, Allison bought the picture for me, claiming that I needed something “just for me” since I was giving so much to everyone else. Wow!

If I ever end up in a nursing home that painting better go with me! That’s it, hanging above the piano in the picture.

After Tim passed away, I was drained, emotionally, physically and psychologically, I was a wreck.  John was in Chile on a mission, my girls were devastated and lots of people asked me to call if I needed anything.  Yeah Right, that’s so me! Here came Allison to the rescue, she spent time with the girls, nurtured them, made them laugh, encouraged them and generally kept us going until we could keep going on our own.

Annie’s death was unbearable for us all. We each grieved in our own way, but my daughter Amy, who had a very close sister/friend relationship with Annie was inconsolable. I was barely functioning myself, but Allison and her creativity were a “Balm of Gilead”.

Allison and Amy went through Amy’s closet and picked out a favorite pair of Jeans.  Allison had brought fabric pens, glitter, sequins etc., and got Amy involved in expressing her feelings and emotions through decorating the jeans.  The result was spectacular, both in how the jeans looked and in the first fun Amy had had since her sister’s death.  They came to be called her happy pants!

I have always maintained that in times of crisis, ( or anytime really) it’s the small acts of kindness that can have the biggest impact.

Amy was in rehearsal at the time for Joseph, she was the narrator.  With the exception of Ken, the musical director and friend,  Amy did not tell anyone about her loss, but Allison was there in the pit every night and I know her presence brought Amy comfort and security.

I wish I could share with you the naughty times Allison and I have had, but it’s a bit embarrassing.  Although ask her about the design we came up with for an orgasm ball for ladies, or our fpw club which we hoped would evolve into the FPW club.  Allison qualifies for the latter, but I’m still a slow starter.

All in all, I can’t imagine my life without Allison, she has encouraged me, comforted me, put up with me and been incredibly patient with me. My health problems often make me hide from the world, I have lost a lot of friends because of this, but not Allison.

If I had to choose between Mother Theresa or Saint Allison, there would be no contest. Besides, unlike Mother Theresa, Allison would buy me great wine, and provide me with super, duper condoms!  And she would never, ever judge!!!!

Wait, I just thought of something else.  When Tim was in the hospital dying, he was barely conscious, I kept the tv off most of the time, but I did get bored.  Lots of people came to see Tim but I stayed in the room every night on a cot.

I rarely slept.   I love to read but was so filled with anxiety I had trouble concentrating on anything  of substance.  Along came Allison with a book called “Paradise Vue” a mormon novel that was one of the funniest mormon fiction I have ever read.

She also brought me a cassette player and had made tapes of some of my favorite classical pieces, those that were calming and comforting.

I also remember a particular tender moment when Allison accompanied me to the mortuary and helped me fix Annie’s hair and makeup for her viewing.  I brushed Annie’s long, blond hair and let the curl that always formed on the right side wrap around my finger.  Allison, found a pair of scissors and I made the decision then and there to keep that curl forever.  It lies in a small, round silver box, nestled above the curl from her very first haircut.

What can I say Allison? Perhaps I should thank Irene for raising such a wonderful and caring daughter? I suspect that Kristin is a mirror image of Allison.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

ps. What the hell does “Bottom of my heart” really mean, anyway?
pps: I have stories to tell of Paul’s kindness to me and mine, those I will save for another post.

(15) Comments    Read More   

Kristin on June 8th, 2010 at 1:39 am

What a beautiful post you’ve written. I loved reading about each memory and thought. I smiled and laughed at many, and cried at some. Thanks for sharing them.

I am so glad Allison has been there for you during those times, I know she’s certainly there for me when I need her, even though I’m sure I’m a pain in the butt for her to put up with.

She does indeed feel like you are the best thing she got out of her divorce settlement. :)


Robert on June 8th, 2010 at 5:51 am

What a nice tribute. And what a beautiful friendship. As a cousin I remember seeing her as kids off and on. But it wasn’t until 1997 or 1998 (whenever we began the Roundtable) that I really had a relationship with her. And I feel today she is more like a sister or friend than a cousin I barely know. It appears she has this affect on pretty much everyone..


Ashley on June 8th, 2010 at 9:13 am

Thank you for the first cry of the day :) This was such a sweet post. I am so lucky to have such an incredible mother. I am very glad she has been there to support you in so many hard times. She’s a great example to me and hopefully I can be a bit more like her.

I love you!


Irene on June 8th, 2010 at 12:41 pm

What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing your memories with us. Allison is truly a unique,Talented,compassionate wonderful daughter, sister,mother and friend, I feel very blessed having her for a daughter. I’m very happy for the friendship the two of you have shared for so many years. You have been a good friend to her as well.
I love the way you express yourself. It’s like being right there with you .


paul on June 8th, 2010 at 6:15 pm

I’m still crying. That was beautiful. Craig’s crying. The pictures of Annie were hard to see, yet great to see.

Allison, you rock. Kathy, so do you.


Jennifer Pearce on June 8th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

What a great post about such an amazing lady. It is so great to learn more about her through your eyes. I know you are very special to her as well.


Brandon on June 8th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

What a great post and great memories! As a young kid during most of these times, I was pretty oblivious to what was going on, but I always knew I had a “cool” mom who loved me and believed in me. It’s nice to see the effect’s she’s had in others lives, too. What a great example. Long live Allison (my mom)!


Kathleen on June 8th, 2010 at 7:01 pm

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to read my post. Clearly, I am in the majority when it comes to loving Allison. I did not intend to make anyone cry. My next post will be….. as my Monty Python friends would say….
completely different.


Allison on June 8th, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Thank you for this sweet post, Kathy.

Yes – I regularly claim that I got Kathy (and family) in the divorce : ) We’ve shared a lot of laughter and a lot of tears – but really, more laughter. Even in the tough times. Kathy’s sense of humor is what helps her deal with crisis – and it’s something I dearly love about her.

You know, when I saw how taken you were with the painting – how you lingered by it, came back to it, reminisced about how it made you feel – it truly felt like I was the one receiving the gift when I was able to buy it for you. And I do have to give props to Mark – when I went home and told him I’d spent money from our small savings account, he was totally supportive. I still look at it as one of the best investments I’ve ever made – knowing how much comfort and joy it has brought you over the years. You really DID deserve it (and I think needed it).

And the times I spent with your girls, after Tim’s death, are treasured memories for me. It was in the middle of winter, and I recall taking them to a church parking lot – I think the night of the funeral – and let them use my car to spin doughnuts in the icy snow. And I took them to ZCMI where we spent a whole night driving sales ladies crazy as I had them try on fabulous evening gowns and prom wear.

I’m really grateful for our friendship. You’ve been there for me as well and I consider you a true soul friend. If there is any truth to the idea of reincarnation, then I’m certain we’ve spent many lifetimes traveling together.

Love you -

P.S. I just pulled out my divorce papers and it appears I got Paul as well : )


Allison on June 8th, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Oh… and if I remember correctly, it was actually ANNIE who came up with the idea for BOB… the big orgasm ball.

Like those sticky balls kids would throw against the wall in the late 80s, early 90s and they’d slowly crawl/roll down….

Except this one would moan with obscene ecstasy as it it made its way down the wall. I think she tossed it out as an idea when were thinking of ideas of things we could create and sell at Deseret Book :)

Sweet, innocent Annie :)


Kathleen on June 8th, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Oh my dear Allison, I had no idea the sacrifce you and Mark made for me. This makes the picture so much more valuable to me. I hope that one day, you and I can row that river together and that your camera can capture the beauty and inspiration that has stayed with me as I have lingered in the Utah desert. I love you my friend.


Allison on June 8th, 2010 at 10:23 pm

It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was a joy, and I was just so happy that I had the funds available to do it.


craig on June 9th, 2010 at 7:10 am

Don’t worry about Paul and me and the crying…we cry at old M*A*S*H* reruns. We’ve turned in to a couple old weepy aunties.

Lovely post. I’ve only met Allison once I believe for a short visit on our brunch Sundays on Park Street in SLC, but it feels like I’ve known her forever. She is truly a gem and I’m so thrilled that she has been there for you and Paul these past decades. I know Paul treasures both of your friendships greatly.


Jean on June 27th, 2010 at 10:46 pm

Thank you for this beautiful post about my dear neice Allison. She is a treasure and I am thankful for her in my life. When Amorette (my 3rd daughter) got married she and Kristin came down to Vegas and saved my neck.. Nothing went as planned and they wound up decorateing for the wedding while I was on my way back from the Saint George Temple. I will treasure that memory. I met you years ago , but I have heard so many wonderful things about you from Allison..Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories for us to enjoy.


Michelle on February 10th, 2011 at 8:06 am

What a beautiful beautiful post! How did I miss this? Everything you said about Allison is absolutely the truth, she is one of the most caring thoughtful people I know and I am proud to say she has been my best friend since 5th grade. She and I have shared so many wonderful moments, I love her with all my heart. I know this is LATE but thank you for such a wonderful post, it made my day!


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